If a Body Meet a Body

August 2006 - I thought I had a topic all picked out for this month's column. Actually, I did have a topic picked out and I was thinking about how write about that topic in my usual entertaining fashion.

But, then, something happened. Something very out of the ordinary. Something that had never happened before. Well, at least not to me.

I thought, "I can't let THIS go unmentioned! That other topic can wait!" Besides, immediately after it happened, I wrote about it in my blog. And, these are the lazy, lazy days of summer, after all. So, here it is.

The following entry was posted on Saturday, July 8 at 2:23 a.m.

At approximately 12:15 this morning, the following (paraphrased) phone call occurred:

Operator: 911. What is your emergency?
Me: Hi. I live on (my street), and on my way home I drive along (another street, just around the corner), and there was this body lying kind of half on the sidewalk and half in the street. I'm not sure if it's dead or what, but when I got out of my car and started saying, "Hello! Hello!" - it didn't move.
Operator: Can you describe him?
Me: White. Not sure if it's a man or a woman. Didn't get close enough to tell for sure. Wearing khaki shorts and a dark shirt, maybe purple.
Operator: OK. We'll send an officer right over.

I hung up the phone and immediately left the house to walk back to the scene, hoping against all hope that the body was still there so I wouldn't get charged with making a false report or something. I got there about the same time as a young man who had also spotted the body (it was still there. Yes!). He brought his father along to check things out. Turns out, they live just a few houses down from me! What a way to meet the neighbors.

Anyway, we were all, like, "This is weird. Is it dead? I didn't touch it. Did you? No way!"

The cop showed up (very promptly, I might add) and started yelling at this person who was, as I said, lying with his upper body on the sidewalk and legs hanging over the curb into the street, arms bent at right angles so the hands were at or slightly above the head. It was almost as if the person had been standing up but then fell straight back - right after someone yelled "Stick 'em up!"

The cop wasn't getting any response from the person, so he bent down and gave a couple quick rubs to the person's chest. At this point, the person actually moved. The cop gave a couple more rubs, a little harder this time, which woke up the person to a point where the cop could actually move him into a sitting position.

Well, my neighbors and I said, at least he wasn't dead. More like dead drunk.